Self-Acceptance is key

Sure…as if it’s so easy. Throughout life, I have been seeking validation, acceptance, and love from others. Spoiler alert: didn’t get me very far and I never found what I’m looking for from others.

There is not one single day where the effects of being raped are not felt! Let that sink in. Because of one sick selfish prick I am in a fucking prison and the only way to be released is an insane amount of work to heal. I don’t think I will ever find the words to express what my life is like as a result of trauma. Each and every day, my body is in stress response, I am in fight/flight/freeze. A constant feeling of high alert….well, isn’t that healthy 😔 again, all because of a selfish teenager who couldn’t think ahead of consequences and repercussions, this thing had no concept of empathy and I am paying the price.

Here I am in an emotionally abusive marriage because I needed love and validation. It’s not like I could have healed and then gotten married because I don’t think I’ll ever be healed. What matters now is that I am taking baby steps to stand up for myself. Nowhere near self acceptance but I’m finally ready to say that I won’t tolerate being put down any more.

I wish you all the strength to start healing from whatever hurts you and to start taking positive steps to change.

Thanks for listening

Don’t know what changed

Something hit me last night, not really sure what made me ready for it.

I decided to give myself the positive reinforcement and validation I have been seeking from others for so long. I decided last night that just for today, whatever I do will be good enough. Just for today, I do not need others to tell me that I am ok because I can tell myself. It is so freeing!!!!

The past few months have been hell on earth for many reasons. I have heard that in order to rise, we need to hit deep despair. I am proud that I decided to change my ways and to really and truly start to love myself.

What positive changes have you made in your life?

“The greatest way to say something is to say nothing at all” -JT

I am embarrassed by my lengthy absence, yet, this is part of my living as a survivor of CSA. I have not been doing very well at all and I have been isolating myself.

I hate myself so much and I hate that I am forced to live this life because of this fucker’s greed. I wish I could hang him by his balls with steel wire.

If you learn anything from my blog, please let it be that being a survivor is an everyday struggle which is not always visible. Be kind to everyone

Thanks for listening