Am I a Loser?

Here I am on a family vacation, the type of vacation that you need a vacation to recover from and I’m wondering if I am the only person who’s vacations NEVER go smoothly. Sometimes I hate Facebook because of the pictures of friends on exotic vacations with smiles on everyone’s faces. I know that it is easy to put up a front that everything is great and that their lives are oh so much better than mine but realistically I know everybody has problems. I just feel like mine are constantly on show because when I told my kids to get together for a picture, they all complained, made faces and refused to listen. My kids were constantly complaining while standing in line to enter an attraction while ALL the other kids were just fine. I felt like Steve Martin in “Father of the Bride part 2”, the part of the film when him and wife find out they are pregnant. He sees all the negative parenting scenes while driving home and his wife sees all the positive ones. I feel like everybody can look at me and my family and say “yup, she messed up” but part of being gentle on myself is reminding myself that we all make mistakes and learning from them is the important part. It’s not easy to undo years of mistakes but I’m willing and trying. The mistakes I’m talking about are those where it was difficult to set limits and get my kids to help me. Again, if I was raised with the mantra that I’m useless, worthless, not smart, etc why would I get them to help me, that’s what smart people do. I thought I had to be supermom (and of course I still think so to an extent). I thought so that those who hurt me can say “wow, you really are great, I’m sorry for putting you down all these years” but it’s so easy to put myself down too. I don’t need them to say it to me because I HAVE TO SAY IT TO MYSELF!!! As I’m reviewing this post I see it’s one big paragraph and already “I’m a loser” because I don’t see where I could possibly make a paragraph break!!

I would like to see myself as an optimist and positive person but in reality I see how often I am putting too much attention to the negative and of course it’s matter of choice. So here I am proclaiming to the world that no, I AM NOT A LOSER!! My life is far from perfect and unfortunately so is everybody else’s. I’ve made mistakes but I’m moving on. I’m glad that we’re going home tomorrow and that I can make a conscious decision of leaving this awful disastrous vacation behind me. Part of the reason I’m not posting some of the disasters is so I’m not reminded of them. Plus, I’m grateful that we were able to go on vacation while others can not.

Please when you are down on yourself because you feel like you are not up to par, give yourself a pat on the back and remind yourself that you are doing just fine.

One thought on “Am I a Loser?

  1. When things are going terribly, and they do for everyone at one point or another, and I’m able to remove myself even one tefach to recognize that things are going terribly, I turn the tables around. What does that mean? It means I’ll sit with the kids, my husband, whoever things need fixing with, and have an informal meeting. A regrouping. And put the reigns equally in everyone’s hands – after all, who says I have to shoulder the entire burden of a family trip, or of an outing? You can say, “who’s having a good time here cuz I am definitely not enjoying the complaining, fighting, arguing… this is not at all what I pictured when I decided to go on vacation with you guys. What can we do to make this more fun/interesting/get along better? Don’t offer answers. Let others share the responsibility. The results are usually fantastic. Lechaim.

    Liked by 1 person

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