Yes, I consider myself to be resilient because damn it, I am strong!!! I am fighting an uphill battle but in no way am I trying to portray myself as somebody who is not in pain from my abuse. I am in deep, deep pain but the fact that I keep trudging on and that I build opportunities for myself is what makes me resilient. We all have our off days (maybe an optimist would say our “on days”). In my experiences, I feel as if I need to show a face that I am ok, that I am happy but inside I am breaking apart. Here, I am not showing any faces. I am a survivor, I am not ashamed of it, I am not shy about it, I keep going, but to explain the hurt is sometimes too much to bear so I do it gently at my pace. Its okay to admit that I am in pain because resiliency doesn’t mean immunity.
Triggers absolutely suck! Sometimes just hearing the word “trigger” triggers me. I think that for me, triggers are one of the hardest things to deal with from this whole thing. I find them so hard to understand. Some days I could be frozen and crippled from the feelings of a trigger where other days I am fine. Why can I face a trigger one day and all of a sudden on another occasion, I am completely broken down. I think that society doesn’t understand the impact of triggers as well. I have heard people use the word rape like its nothing when they are not aware that just the word can send someone spiralling down. A song, a street, a name….anything can be a trigger but of course thats pretty much impossible to be constantly aware of. Just mentioning what triggers may be.
As I was talking about consent and videos today, I found this article which explains other issues I was not aware of. It’s extremely well written. I hope you will take two minutes to read it.
I’m not really sure why it took me so long to post this info but to start, here are some resources in Montreal for people who have been assaulted or abused.
All resources no matter where in the world are a few clicks away and are designed to help you. I know how intimidating it can be to take the first step but you certainly can do it.